Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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