god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
