After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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