I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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