hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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