Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
