Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
