I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
