:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
