I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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