If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
this boner is exhausting
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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