i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
