Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
