u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
