it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
