i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
