i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
