after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
