swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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