when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
