We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
