Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
