You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize