help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's blow job season.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
