Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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