i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
