Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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