i just google imaged poop.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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