I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i think i have herpe
just one?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
