i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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