i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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