sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
