I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
