if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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