Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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