I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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