he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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