i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
