Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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