he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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