That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
