I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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