I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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