you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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