Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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