Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
