we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
