had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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