I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
