So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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