cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
