WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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