I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
