He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
