are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Randomize
