His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
