the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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