I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
