Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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