someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
