the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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