I wannas sexs uuuuu
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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