Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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