fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
