I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
