Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
