I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
