I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
