if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
