You work out of a Hotel?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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