You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
