escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
