She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
