I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize