just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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