Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
