I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
