Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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