also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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