The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's shark week go big or go home
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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