I just made out with a guy for $7.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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