I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
