Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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