My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
