i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
