a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
